Pinky Has Moved On

She didn't make it. The plan yesterday was for Pinky to be picked up by Older Daughter and taken to the vet for a fourth time. The possibility of FIP had been tossed around from the very first vet visit. That belly was an immediate red flag. Initially, the vet who saw Pinky wanted to believe that something else could be going on. During the course of three vet appointments, between two different veterinarians, every other possibility was considered. But in the end, during this fourth vet visit, FIP was the diagnosis.

 I think I knew on Saturday night. I got back from the emergency clinic late. It was dark. It was pouring rain. I sat in the laundry room floor with Pinky. She was having trouble purring because of the breathing problem. I tried to hope that the diuretics would do it. I wanted to see improvement on Sunday. There was none. I knew when Older Daughter and I talked about sending her back to the vet again on Monday that there was nothing else they could do. But I wanted to believe SO badly that a vet would say “Oh, wait. We missed this. Here's what we'll do and you'll have your tiny baby back.”

 By the time Pinky went to the vet yesterday, her breathing had worsened even more. She was exhausted from trying to breathe. Two rounds of diuretics had pulled fluid from every part of her body except where it mattered. The vet who saw Pinky yesterday did another X-ray. There was fluid in the abdomen, fluid around the lungs, and fluid in the lungs. He went through a checklist of FIP symptoms. Pinky had them all. But even then, he consulted with another vet in the practice. He told Older Daughter that he wanted to make sure. The other vet concurred.

 During the morning hours, I had a phone conversation with each of my daughters. Older Daughter reminded me of something I had said to her when she was recently going through this. Remember, Mom. You feel like you can't handle losing Pinky, but Pinky doesn't see it like you do.   Younger Daughter said – Keep in mind how wonderful life got for Pinky when she came to you. She had been on the side of the road. And even when she was brought into the shelter, she came to you instead of living in a cage. I told myself everything I possibly could in anticipation of what I knew I was going to be told once Pinky was seen at the clinic. I kept reminding myself of my true belief in this situation. I said out loud to myself – You do NOT believe in allowing an animal to suffer unless you know we are headed for healing. If this is FIP, there's no recovery.

 When Older Daughter called, I braced for the news. She said – Mom, it's FIP. Two vets concur. And Dr. R said the kindest thing we can do is to euthanize. He said he does not believe in allowing an animal to suffer unless it's to get through it and back to health. Those were practically the exact words I'd been saying to myself. I knew I had to let go. I told Older Daughter to tell her goodbye for me and to make sure she knew how much she was loved. She said that of course she would.

 I was cleaning in the kitten room when that call from Older Daughter arrived. I sat down in the floor and cried. All of the emotion poured out. But in an effort to get control, I replayed what my daughters had said and what the vet had said and what I knew was true. I thought back to the night before. I had spent almost an hour with Pinky. I held her, I tried to feed her, I petted her, and I talked on and on about how beautiful she was and how much I loved her. Sitting in the floor in the kitten room, I realized that I had no regrets. I had done everything I could. And Pinky had two weeks of pure heaven before the FIP took her down. She had played and played. She loved her canned food. She even loved her dry kitten food. She loved Evergreen. She loved me and would look right into my eyes when I talked to her. I was thankful that Pinky had a good run – certainly not a long enough run, but one with some comfort and happiness. Her life was way too short. But she was loved . . . deeply.

 I asked my daughters if I could bury Pinky here on my land, alongside so many other furry loved ones. Younger Daughter brought her to me as she went home yesterday. I buried Pinky with her favorite pink mouse toy, wrapped in the softest blanket I've ever felt.

 

 

Your support and sincere heartfelt comments have meant more than I will ever be able to express. Thank you so much for caring – about me and about this tiny candle in the wind.

 

Pinky - Farewell.

Comments

[jansfunnyfarm]

Very sorry Pinky didn't make it through this. Hugs.

[Kat & the Teenage Mutant Ninja Kitty Horde]

Pinky was SO blessed to have her time with you and Evergreen!! Just look at those pictures you took and realize how much love she felt!! ::hugs:: She's running around those fields telling everycat how wonderful you are and they're all agreeing.

[The Florida Furkids]

We're so sorry. Pinky was so lucky to have you to love her and care for her. (((Hugs)))

The Florida Furkids

[Cat's Cats]

I almost made it through the entire post until you said you buried her with the pink mouse...then the tears flowed :-( FIP is so awful. But sweet Pinky did know love and comfort and true friendship with you and Evers and her life even though brief was good. We were heartbroken when Max died of FIP we only had him for seven weeks but I said to Robert that I was so glad he came to us and didn't die cold and alone in some shelter cage. He knew all the love we could give him just like Pinky did, sometimes that is all we can do and for them it means the world :-)

[The Poupounette]

Farewell Pinky. Your daughter is absolutely right. Her life was short but full of love and caring. And remember! Evers is there and he is the JOY that must be felt and treasured.

[Liz Garcia]

So sorry..But you did so much for her and many things are beyond our control..But the love you gave her was in your control..Goodbye, Pinky.

[Oskar & Pam]

I'm so very sorry about the loss of your little one. I'm so glad that she got to feel your love during her short time here with us.

Hugs,
Pam & Oskar

[Bellen]

I very much wanted Pinky to make it. But she did indeed know love, and had a great friend in Evergreen. I will always remember those pictures of them together, especially that one taken from above of them side by side, showing how tiny Pinky was. Godspeed, Pinky.

[Madeline]

I am so sorry about Pinky, I'm sure Winnie will be waiting to help her cross over and now she will be healthy and can play and romp around like a kitten should be able to.
She was sent to you for a reason, if we could only understand why these things happen it would be so much easier to accept.
My love and prayers are with you.

[Cassandra Burns]

Oh, poor sweet Pinky. Sending hugs your way.

[random felines]

I am so sorry (and in need of a tissue). We all know going into every rescue that we may not be able to save them all. And yet we don't give up despite the heartbreak because ANY chance is better than NO chance. Fly free sweet baby.

[meowmeowmans]

I am so sorry, my friend. The true measure of Pinky's life is how much and how well she was loved, and how many hearts she touched. Though her time with you was very short, hers was a life well-lived. Fly free, sweet Pinky.

Thank you for your big, big heart, Chrystal. Sending you purrs and prayers of comfort.

[Jt]

Peace, love, strength and comfort to you, my friend.

[Andrea and the Celestial Kitties]

Oh Chrystal, I'm so sorry. But I'm so glad she had you, I know you made her short life wonderful, and you let her go when it wasn't good any more. You did everything right. I know you know that, but I want you to hear it too. Hugs!

[Goldie Goodwin]

I am echoing what everyone else has already said. I am so grateful that little Pinky had you to love her and take care of her. The thought of her dying alone and unloved breaks my heart. But she didn't... You, your family and all of us in the blogosphere loved her. And she was cared for and happy, even if her time was very short.
Thank you for what you do. Losing a baby kitten is never easy, but for Pinky.. you made the difference in her short, but loved life.
My heartful condolences on your loss.

[Milo and Alfie's mom]

So very sorry. Thank you for loving her so much and doing your very best to save her. xx

[Colehaus Cats]

We are so sorry. Thank you for loving this little angel who would have died alone with so much pain and sadness.

[Morgen Pittman]

Sending love and condolences from all of us at Purrchance To Dream.
Pinky knew unconditional love and kindness, that is a true gift that you gave to this little angel. Bless you.

[Alana & Crepes]

oh no! Poor little darling. We're certain you did the best you could for the little darling. Purrs and love from Alana and all the kitties and pup at Catinthefridge.com.

[ginny&the fur family]

Tears flow down my cheeks for the lost little Angel Pinky. She saw haven on earth for the time she was at Chrystal's house and she is grieved for in the finest way with a burial in the Furry plot with her favorite pink mouse and softest blanket. Fare the well over the rainbow bridge.. love lives forever. Forever loved by us all... Ginny & The Fur Family

[Everycat]

We are so sorry that little Pinky did not make it. She had a crap life up until she was found and brought to you. You managed to put a little lifetimes worth of love into that wee girl in the two weeks you cared for her. What you did for her was no mean feat. Your heart is very strong, even though you go through so much pain helping these wonderful cats.

We send you love and rumbly purrs and sing beautiful little Pinky to The Bridge

Gerry, Mungo & The Ape xx

[Lee County Clowder]

So, so sorry. We were so hoping Pinky would pull a turnaround like Evergreen managed.

But we're with the rest -- for a few weeks, Pinky was in ketteh hevan. She knew love, and play, and the joy of getting spoilt rotten. You did all you could, and maybe even a little more for her.

[Angel Abby]

There are no easy words that come off of my fingertips because when a kitten crosses the RB there are no words. The only thing I feel is that Pinky knew love and comfort. She knew compassion and caring. She knew food and most importantly she knew a home. You may not have seen my post (I've don't so many so don't feel bad if you didn't see it) about temporary homes. We all are passing through and this is only a temporary home, Pinky's was just a bit more temporary than most, but she had it all, and she knew she was loved. That in the end is what we all want. It doesn't make it any easier and it doesn't hurt any less, but you did all you could within your power and in the end you made Pinky one happy little kitty. Will keep you in my prayers.

xoxoxo

[Mindy Slimmer]

Bless you Chrystal for all you do...even if sometimes you cannot save all the starfish in the sea, we know you do your best and that is all we can ask of one another...to do the best we can with what we've got.
Much Love,
Mindy :)

[Marjorie]

On behalf of every cat rescued, on behalf of those who look to us humans for help, THANK YOU for trying with Pinky. You did not give up, you did not surrender and for this I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I am crying for Pinky now, even though she is at rest. Fly free sweweet soul go with our love,

Marjrie and Dash Kitten