Tribute to an Angel

On Sunday we found a kitten.  The way the circumstances set up was nothing short of a miracle.  As many have said, and as I believe, she was meant to "cross our path."  She was in terrible shape and we started the work of bringing her to health.  She was named Wintergreen, and we immediately started calling her Winnie. 

On Monday evening, she very suddenly took a turn for the worse, and after an emergency vet visit, we came home hopeful that she would begin to improve.  She did not.  We held her continuously for the next seven hours.  She was never not on someone's lap or against someone's chest.  My daughters went to bed, and I took a shift holding Winnie at 11pm.  I was to wake one of my daughters at 3am and take a turn at sleeping.  But by 1am I was afraid we were nearing the end.  I would not put one of the girls through that.

Never alone.
 

I will spare you the unbelievable sadness of that last hour.  She was so tiny and so bony it was hard to know where to pet her that would give comfort and not pain.  I ended up lightly stroking her face and talking softly to her until she let go.  I sat there in the darkest, deepest part of the night holding this tiny body.  It seemed like the silence would crush me.  I wrapped her and put her in her favorite basket (she already had one), and I fell completely apart.  I found my way to the computer and wrote my Tuesday's post. 

As I typed, I realized I was reaching out to all of you who had read Winnie's story in Monday's post.  You had said such kind things, and you seemed to genuinely care about this little kitten that you didn't even know.  You had all sent best wishes to her, your hope for her new beginning palpable.  I felt like you knew her.  And now she was gone.  Whisked away before she had a chance at the good life. 

That post was raw - an in-the-moment experience of loss.  I was hurting deeply but I was also angry.  Angry that such a tiny being, so innocent, would live in utter suffering her entire short life and then be rescued - only to suffer more, and die.  It's been the comments from all of you that have taken some of the anger away.

Earlier today, I wrote to Amy of Amy & The House of Cats (more in a minute) and I said to her that losing little Winnie has wounded me deeply.  I have lost so many animals over the years.  Somehow this one cut a little deeper.  Maybe it was because I didn't see it coming.  Maybe it was because the time she had in a loving, safe environment was WAY too short.  I couldn't shake the deep disappointment that came with knowing that all she ever knew of human love was one short day.  This is how I was feeling in the wee hours of Tuesday morning.

And then the comments started coming in.  They came in floods.  They came all day Tuesday and up into the night.  I was overwhelmed.  I read every comment.  Over and over, the message was the same.  We were meant to find Winnie.  She got to know love.  She didn't die alone.  She had comfort.   The comments offered sympathy in a deeply sincere way.  You sent your love, hugs, prayers, and even thanks.  People reminded us that she is now free of suffering.  People wrote that their own kitties at The Bridge would be there to welcome Winnie.  We got thank-yous which just blew me away.  I couldn't believe people were thanking us - Thank you for taking her in, Thank you for giving her a chance, Thank you for all that you do.  And one person wrote, and I quote:  "Find comfort in what you gave that precious kitten in her final days . . . dignity. . . a name . . . security . . . and peace."  

Yes, she had a name.  Her name was Wintergreen - our Winnie.  There is something about having been given a name.  She was acknowledged as the amazing little being she was.  She deserved that.  Her body has a spot in our pet cemetery.  And she has been given an awesome memorial in the comments that each of you made.

To all of my new visitors, thank you for coming and thank you for your comments.  I hope you might read back in my blog for some stories with much happier endings.

To my small group of devoted readers (who have been with me since the beginning), thank you for sticking with me.  You've been there all along, commenting through the good and the sad.

To Amy & The House of Cats - THANK YOU.  You are the reason that Winnie has been memorialized.

And to Cat Blogosphere. . . one of the comments on Tuesday's post said that a memorial grafik had been placed on CB.  I immediately went to check it out.  As I clicked on CB from my blog, the most beautiful picture of Winnie sparkled back at me from the computer screen.  There she was - identified as Heaven's Newest Angel.  The tears poured down my face.  Happy tears.  THANK YOU, Cat Blogosphere.

One day of the good life.

Eyes closed and pitting (kneading).  Guess it just felt so good to be loved.

 

Comments

[The Poupounette Gang]

We all shared your pain and are glad that we were able to make you feel even a tiny bit better.

We have added you to our list of favourite blogs and look forward to some great stories in the future!

[Amy & The House of Cats]

First, thank you for thanking us - but honestly you are the one who did so much - and do so much every day! We feel so honored to have found you and your blog, and to have been lucky enough to get to know Winnie and all the others you have helped. We may not always comment (I am horrible about getting behind) but we always read them all. Winnie was one of those special little babies who come along and bring people together, even though they are around for only a short time. I know I will still cry when I think about little Winnie, but I will know that she was very truly loved by so many, and that makes me happy. And believe me, she will be well taken care of at the bridge - I asked our boy Floyd to be sure and take care of her - and he was a big boy so she is in good paws! Even though she is gone we are sure that she has to feel all the love coming her way at the bridge!

And as I emailed back, I am not at all surprised at the outpouring of love and support from the CB (and some of the dog blogosphere too - I saw a few of our doggie friends in the mix - yeah, I went and read the comments too). The animal bloggers seem to be an exceptionally caring and supportive bunch!

[Everycat]

Little Winnie has a home in all of our hearts along with the love and care you gave to her. She and her tiny life will not be forgotten, ever.

Be kind to yourselves over the next while. Work to save tiny lives is emotionally draining as it connects directly to the pain inside all of us. Take some time to recover and heal.

We will be thinking of you.

Whicky Wuudler
& Family

[jansfunnyfarm]

We went back and revised our 2nd post of the day to include Winnie. She was part of the blogging community, even if for a very short time.

We are sad that you went through so much so quickly. As Whicky wrote, this type of situation is very draining. Having an outlet to express your grief and to be able to communicate with others who understand your pain is part of the blogging community. We don't all have the same experiences but eventually we all cry the same tears.

[The Misadventures of Me]

Oooooo the mom, she is leaking again. She has been there, with a tiny kit, whose mother would not take care of her. She sat with it as you did, until the end. It hurts because you beans CARE SO MUCH for us furry kids, we know. Don't give up, Winnie may have been here for a short time, but in that time she was shown what true love really is!

headbutts and purrs

Molly
Shadow
Trooder
I is Jake!

(((hugs)))
Mom Laure

[The Taylor CatSSSSS]

Poor little one. She was loved.

[Junior & Orion]

Goodness, we missed this story over the last couple of days. Winnie truly was a sweet little angel. She was a tough one...she held out long enough to learn what it was like to be loved. It is truly sad that she didn't get to feel that love for longer, but you did give her the very best gift of her short life. We are sending you and yours tons of hugs and gentle headbutts.

[Cat]

Tiny, sweet Winnie, I'm so glad that she rests with your other loved ones in your pet cemetery.

I saw Winnie's angel graphic on the CB and immediately posted it to my blog. She will have a home on my sidebar to remind us all how precious life is.

[Sweet Praline]

My mom has leaky eyes (and she is at work). We admire you and your family so much for giving these little kittens a chance at happiness. Please know that our thoughts, purrs, and prayers are with you.

[Teri and the cats of Furrydance]

We did not know Winnie til today when we came to visit from Jan's Funny Farm blog. Oh, today is such a day, my heart feels like it is squeezing the tears that are coming from my eyes. Truly that is how it feels. One is strong, one thinks...and then something steals our hearts, that little Wintergreen...

[The Island Cats]

Whenever someone in the catblogosphere loses a furbaby, it is as if we all have lost one. Even one who was with us for such a short time like sweet Winnie. We send comforting purrs to help you during this sad time.

Wally, Ernie, Zoey & mom Sue

[Daisy the Curly Cat]

I am so sorry tiny Winnie had to go to the Bridge. I am comforted to know that she was surrounded by love in her final hours. Soft purrs to you.

[Elaine]

What a beautiful little girl. I'm glad Wintergreen had you, even if for too short a time.

Blessings,
Elaine

[Mary]

I too am new to your blog, from the CB, but that didn't stop me from crying over little Winnie. I am soooo glad that she found you in her time of need. She found love and comfort to ease her on her way. God Bless You and thank you.
Soft Purrs and Hugs to you and your family and Blessings to Winnie at the Bridge.

[Parker]

We send our purrs to you, we are so very, very sorry. She knew she was loved and that she mattered.
(((hugs)))

[Camie's Kitties]

We were sorry to hear that Winnie had such a short amount of time with you. But as someone said when I lost a cat a little over a year after I got her, it's not the amount of time you have her, if she's in your heart, it's going to hurt. I hope you find comfort in knowing that she went to the Bridge knowing she was loved and special. That is the best gift you could have given her.

Tavi, Cody and Gracie

[The Rocky Mount Meezers]

We saw on the CB about Winnie, and we are sending our strongest purrs and purrayers to you to help you get over the loss of your sweet baby girl. As short of a time that you had her, we know that she was loved and that she loved you.
Sabrina, Sam and Simon

[Ginny&the Fur Family]

Dear bloger my internet went off early and just came back on and have been reading all the sweet and beautiful tributes to Winnie - Her picture was so nice because it showed her so very much loved at the end. The little grave for her was a showing of how much she was loved in her short life. I thought of her all day and night and still am thinking or her spirit and soul. My Sabrina will see her on the other side of the bridge. I lost her last month in spite of all I could do. Prayers for the soul of all spirit cats who have crossed over and especially to dear little Winnie.

[Sniffie and the Florida Furkids]

We agree with all of those who said Winnie was meant to find you. The poor little kitten experienced so much love and care in the short time she was with you. She's permanently alive in your heart and that would never have happened if you hadn't found her.

(((Hugs))) Purrs and Prayers

Sniffie and the Florida Furkids

[Madeline]

It is so wonderful to know there is so many people out there who really and truly care about animals.
You see so much cruelty, sometimes you feel like it is hopeless and a losing battle, but maybe if we all keep up the good fight, maybe someday we can win all the battles.
Bless all of you who care so much. GoD bless Winnie I truly believe she was sent as an ANGEL MESSENGER

[Abby]

What a wonderful tribute to such a beautiful tiny soul. We do believe that you were meant to be on that road at that moment because somehow Winnie knew you would stop to help her. Just for the briefest of time she reached out and you knelt down and scooped her up and gave her the comfort, the love, the acceptance she had not had. There is no amount that is too little or too much. Yes, Winnie had the briefest of lives, but what she had in the final hours was more than so many receive.

All of us here understand the sadness in your heart and we all send you healing thoughts to help. But it is with that wounded heart that the memory of that dear sweet tiny soul will reside and never leave.

She left her mark and as hard as it is to understand why she had to endure the hardships there was more than can be understood by her chance encounter with you.

We thank you for sharing her with us as short as it was, she touched so many with her shining light, and now her light will be shared with those that crossed before.

{{{hugs and whisker purrs}}}
Abby

[Lee County Clowder]

Sending comforting purrrss to you and your daughters. Winnie knew love and safety, and she did not die alone. We're just sorry she only had one day in your life -- in all our lives.

ppuurrrrrrrrssss

[Rusty]

I've been around a long time, in a very loving home. I know that I'm one of the lucky ones. Thank you for giving Winnie that even if for just a short time. A name, a home, love and a sense of self. I know that she now dances at the Rainbow Bridge and she has not forgotten you or your many kindnesses.

Purrs from me and hugs from Mom.

[The Meezers]

thank you very much for taking in beautiful Winnie and showing her love. All she knew at the end was warmth and safe and love all around her. There is no greater gift than giving your heart unconditionally, no matter for an hour, a day or years.

[Pam Graves]

As everyone has said, thank you. Once again, you have show your amazing love for these sweet little lost critters. And to the CB, what a beautiful caring bunch you are. To those of you who haven't read all of this blog, please do so. It is filled with such sweet stories!

Purrs from Pam and the Califurrrrrnia5