Heartbreak

I don't even know how to start this post.  I'm trying to type through floods of tears.  It's 2am.  Winnie just left for The Bridge. 

About 4:45pm yesterday, she had a seizure.  My daughter immediately took her temperature and it was 105.1.  Just one hour earlier, she had eaten a small meal and was purring.  We raced off to an emergency vet visit.  She was given an injection for the fever and a stronger antibiotic.  Since my daughter can give subQ fluids, the vet sent us home with enough for 12cc twice a day to prevent dehydration.  We came home hopeful.  But Winnie got more and more lethargic.  She had what we think was a series of mini seizures. 

From the moment of the first seizure in the late afternoon, somebody held Winnie every minute.  She was never alone.  We took turns holding her.  I took her at about 11pm and I was sitting in the recliner with her just now when she died.  It feels like my heart will break.  This never gets any easier!!  I want to scream.  

I'm sure I wouldn't be writing this if it wasn't for the unbelievable outpouring of support from all of you who read Winnie's story.  I'm sick, and the tears keep pouring, but somehow knowing all of you cared about little Winnie even though you didn't know her brings me some comfort.

I knew this could happen.  I've been doing this for too many years.  But every time, I want to believe this tiny baby that never had a chance will somehow pull through and end up being loved for a lifetime.  All Winnie got was one day.

I can't post a picture of her right now.  She deserves to be admired and remembered.  I can't believe I could be so in love with something I met less than two days ago.  She had a gravelly little meow and she purred constantly.  She didn't like the lights off and she wanted to be with a person continuously.  She was a little individual - a precious little soul.  An angel.

I wish for all of you who are checking in to see how Winnie is doing that I could have given you good news.  I know this will dampen spirits.  I wish I only had happy endings to share.  What I do want to say is how much I appreciate you stopping in and reading Winnie's story.  Thank you Amy and The House of Cats for directing all of these wonderful, caring people to my blog.  The way the rescue happened was practically a miracle.  Unfortunately, it was not to be for Winnie to stick around.  A piece of my heart goes with each little one I lose.  Winnie took a big chunk.

In less than four hours, I will be loading the six puppies into a crate in my friend's car to be taken to where they will meet their transportation to a no-kill shelter up north.  Every time I foster, it's hard to let them go.  But I know this is their shot at getting forever homes.  I'm afraid (today) saying goodbye to them is going to be even harder.

Winnie - Farewell.

 

Comments

[Milo and Alfie]

Oh I am heartbroken ~ I just folowed the link from Amy's blog and read part one first ~ and am now devastated to read this dear little kitten has died.
It does bring comfort to know that she did not end her days alone and unloved ~ she had comfort and help from your family 9and love from us all) ~ and she will have sensed you were doing all you could to help. Much worse to have died alone at the side of the road.
RIP little one.

[The Poupounette Gang]

We feel your pain and your immense sadness, but remember: instead of dying miserable and alone in a field, Winnie knew love, warmth and kindness at the end of her short life. You gave her an enormous gift and sent her on her way purring rather than crying. She will be in good company at the Bridge with all our friends who have gone before her.

There are also happy endings. And that is why we always try.

[Madeline]

I am so so sorry, I am setting here typing and can hardly see the key board for the tears, I was so hoping she would make it, but like the other comments have said at least she was not alone and scared and unable to see, she must have been so scared, but you gave her love,comfort,warmth and knowing she was loved.I wish I could say something to comfort you at this time,but it seems there is just not the right words.
Winnie's little spirit will be with you forever.
Bless you and your family and Winnie

[The Taylor CatSSSSS]

Oh no...I'm so sorry. Poor little one. You did everything you could. You were with her and she wasn't alone. I'm so sorry for the loss of little Winnie.

[Amy & The House of Cats]

Oh I am so so sorry that Winnie had to go to the bridge - but I am with everyone in thanking you for giving her the love she deserved - even if it was only for a little while. That little girl left for the bridge knowing that she was loved, and surrounded by it. I sent you an email - I saw it before this post so know that is why it is at least a bit optimistic. I know that we are all sad, but we all know that this is a part of life, unfortunate though it may be. We are sending you lots of comforting purrs and prayers and lots of purrs and prayers to Winnie at the bridge.

[Hannah & Lucy]

We are sorry Winnie had to go to the Bridge but so pleased that she wasn't alone at the moment of passing. Thank you so much. xx xx

[Marg]

I am so sorry about Winnie. That is so hard to have only had her such a short time. But at least in the end, she sure had everyone trying to help her to get better. And giving her tons of love so she knew that she was loved which is wonderful. You are so great to help Winnie so much.

[Cat]

I am so sorry to read this heartbreaking news! Little Winnie was such a special girl, I'm very glad that she came to you and that she did not die alone in a field. I have experienced the same thing and I know it is so hard, but she knew your love and kindness and I think she was holding on until she found you! She died in your loving arms and there are worse ways to go.

All of our kitties who have gone on to the bridge will be waiting to welcome her so she won't be alone...

[The Kool~Kittie~Krew]

We heard about poor, sweet Winnie running off the The Bridge from Amy and the House of Cats. We are so sorry for your loss. Time will heal and she will be in your hearts forever. Again, we are so very sorry.

[Katnip Lounge]

We are so sorry about Winnie. At least the end of her short life was filled with love and warmth. May she run free and be happy at The Bridge.

[Mishkat]

We read about Winnie on Amy's blog and wanted you to know how sorry we are. Thank you so much for taking her in and helping her - even though her life was very short, we are sure, from what you've written, that that made all the difference for her.

Sending you many many purrs and hugs -
Franklin, Dobby, Tasha, and mom Katie

[Chez Cat]

We came over from Amy's House of Cats, and just want to say bless you for trying to save this baby's life. She'll be waiting for you at the Bridge.

[Ginny&the Fur Family]

It is so heart breaking that Winnie left last night and today she is in no pain and not alone. You gave her love for her last day on earth and you did every thing you could. Some times they go to the bridge because they can feel it is time. Animals just seem to know things we are not yet able to know. When you and your family held her all day and when she died, you made all the difference in the world in her small life. keep on doing what you were born to do and the next one will soon be coming for you to rescue. Prayers for Winnies soul over the bridge.

[Angel and Kirby]

We are so sorry about Winnie! She knew love and comfort for a little while.

[Madi and Mom]

We are so very sorry to read about Winnie.....bless her heart and soul...run free and purr lots Winnie now that you are no longer so sick. We read about you on House of Cats.
Our thoughts and prayers are with you,
Madi and Mom

[Artemisia, Fenris, Socks & Scylla]

We are so sorry Winnie didn't make it. Hugs.

[mayziegal]

I'm so sorry to hear about sweet Winnie. I'm just so grateful to you that she knew some gentleness in the world before she went to the Bridge. I know it hurts but you did a very kind, selfless thing by taking her in and giving her love - even if it was for too short a time.

Hugs,
Amber (and Mayzie)

[Pam Graves and the Califurrrrnia 5]

Tears for Winnie and you! As others have said, at least she didn't die all alone by the side of the road in pain. She got to experience love and cuddles and comfort and yummy stinky goodness. And best of all, she can tell others at the Bridge that she had a loving furever mommy that she had to leave behind. She will be a special little guardian angel to watch over your big wonderful fur family and human family. And when the new cat sanctuary is built it should be called Winnie's Room!

[Brian]

My sisters and I are so very sorry to hear about sweet Winnie. Bless you for sharing love with her while she was here. And thank you for sharing sweet Winnie with all of us, we will remember her forever.

[Lee County Clowder]

So, so sorry. You did what you could, and Winnie knew love and care at the end of her life. She didn't die hungry, scared, alone, and blind like she would have without you.

ppuurrrrrrrrrrr

[Keisha]

I am so very sorry. May she rest in peace.

[Sparkle]

You did the best you could do, and it was exactly what Winnie needed - a home full of love and caring for the rest of her life. That her life was so short doesn't matter. You really have not lost her - no one ever loses a kitty because they stay with you forever, no matter where their bodies go.

[Old Kitty]

Hello

I just read this awful update on Amy and the House of Cats. This is very very sad. I am so sorry. You must be so heartbroken.

I am just glad that in her last hours she found love and care and hope with you and your wonderful family. She really was a fighter. Thank you for giving her beauty in her last hours.

All the best

Take care
x

[KC]

Very sad noos, certainly didn't end tha way we's wanted it to, watching sweet Winnie grow up.
At least hers knew love in her short life, because of you.
I maked a memorial grafik and posted it on tha CB.
Love & Purrs,
KC

[Zona]

I am so sad to hear this news. We had been rooting for Winnie through Amy's blog. No, it never gets easier. But try to take some comfort in that Winnie was able to experience kindness and love on this plane before crossing the bridge. You did an amazing and selfless thing.

Healing thoughts,
Jill (and Zona)