Twinkle

For a long, long time now, I have known that Twinkle could begin to fail and bring us to another ending at any point in time.  When I started blogging (two and a half years ago), I introduced my group of canine ancients: Scroungy, Milo, Shaggy, and Twinkle.  Twinkle was the last of her group - a group of small dogs that have been a part of this family since my daughters were young children.  Twinkle was actually the one we thought would leave us first.  She has had several health problems over the past couple of years.  One by one, her companions left for The Bridge and Twinkle remained.  It seemed she was invincible.  Regardless of the conditions that her little body endured, she continued to carry on.  Three different medications were regulating various problems.   She slept, she ate, she drank, she even still made her way to the newspapers at the end of the hall.  She could only see out of one eye, but she would look up at me with that little sunshine face and wait for a pat on the head or a favorite treat.

A couple of weeks ago, Twinkle stopped eating.  I worried, but also knew that ancient ones sometimes do this if they are trying to “move on”.  However, after a few days of this, Twinkle seemed to bounce back.  Back to eating and drinking, and back to following me around.  Then on Wednesday of last week, Twinkle had a seizure.  It was horrible in the moment, but within five minutes of it being over, she was back up following me around.  Because she had never had a seizure before, I thought it might be associated with the beginning of the end.  But she seemed SO OK afterwards that I guess I hoped it was a one-time event.  Then she had another seizure.  And then another.  I knew I would need to get her to the vet the next day.  I was just glad that after each seizure she seemed to come fully back to herself.

I had to be gone on Thursday morning.  I worried about her until I could get home.  When I got here, it was clear that another seizure had occurred while I was gone.  She was sleeping.  I called the vet to discuss this new development.  Assistant C called me back and said that Dr. A could put Twinkle on phenobarbital but that it would take about two weeks to know if it would make a difference or if we had the right dosage.  I sat there listening, wondering if I was doing Twinkle any favors by putting her on anti-seizure medication.  If there was a good chance that she would continue to have seizures over the next two weeks, it would be exhausting for that ancient little bony body.  But on Wednesday, she had been alert and “normal” after each seizure.  I knew I couldn’t opt to euthanize unless I felt she was suffering.  Now I had to decide if I could risk more days of seizures while giving the medication a chance.

I got off the phone and checked on my girl.  Still sleeping.  I couldn’t wake her.  Her breathing was shallow.  And periodically during the sleep, she would struggle to draw in a deep breath.  I sat beside her and stroked that frail body.  I watched her breathing.  It didn’t look good.  When she seemed to struggle even harder to get a deep enough breath, I tried harder to rouse her from this deep sleep.  I did get her awake, but there was no recognition in those eyes.  That’s when I cried.   If she was going to struggle to breathe, I couldn’t allow it to go on.  Then there was the lack of recognition which was the gift from Twinkle to me.  I couldn’t have made the decision if I’d thought she still wanted to be here, to be with me.  

I stayed with her until it was time to leave for the clinic.  She never came out of the comatose state.  She never stopped periodically struggling to get a deep enough breath.  Dr. A said that at Twinkle’s age and in her condition, the seizures had taken too big a toll on the brain.  It was a deeply peaceful transition.  I wrapped my sweet girl in a fluffy pink towel with flowers embroidered around the edges, and we drove home.   I got her buried just before a storm.  The pouring rain and whipping wind seemed appropriate. 

She was the last of an era.  She should have been the first of the group to leave, but she saw them all on their way.  Each of my daughters had dreamed of one of our deceased dogs in the previous two weeks.  I had a dream that Twinkle was playing with two of our Bridge dogs.  I like to think that some of our gang had gathered around to welcome Twinkle over. 

In the catio, with DiMarno

In her pink snuggie

Asleep mid-climb

Fly free, my little sunshine face.

Twinkle - Farewell.

Comments

[Cat's Cats]

Oh Chrystal I am so sorry, you must be heartbroken :-(

[Martin Hooper]

Aww she sounded a lovely little dog Chrystal...

[Jan (Milo and Alfie's mom)]

Oh Chrystal ~ I'm sorry. But what a loved and special life this little one had. No dog could ask for more. I am relieved her passing was gentle and there was no tough decision to make. Bless you and her. Love to the family as they adjust to her loss.

[Random Felines]

Safe Journey Twinkle. We know you are well loved here and will be well met over the Bridge.

[ginny & the fur family]

Fare well dear Twinkle over the bridge -run free and join your play mates. Together again in a field filled with sun flowers and butter flys. We here at fur a way land cry at your departure. You will be missed by all who knew you. We only met you through this blog but are crying with sadness at your leaving. You are now in the hands of the God of animal souls and spirits. You can come back to visit your human family in dreams and let them know you are alright. Many times I have been visited in dreams by pets on the other side. PRAYERS FOR THE SOUL AND SPIRIT OF DEAR Twinkle---Ginny & The Fur Family

[Cats of wildcat woods]

What a lovely tribute to Twinkle - she did indeed tell you it was time for her to go. Surrounding you all with love and light in your loss.

[The Poupountte]

Run Free, Twinkle. So glad you had that dream, Chrystal. She is young and healthy again and playing with her old friends. She had a wonderful life.

[Andrea and the Celestial Kitties]

What a sweet face, what a sweetheart to make sure you knew it was time. I'm so sorry you lost your baby. I know she had a great life, and a long one with a loving family. I'm glad you knew her.

Even while we grieve for Chrystal, we still need to press on with the important task of getting kitties into homes. I don't want to say especially anyone, but yes, espeically the kittens before they grow up in the cathouse. Surely you know someone who needs a little Florida sunshine in their life? A little chocolate? I can't think of anything cute for Micky and Maveric, but them too!

Don't forget to buy the book! Think about a brick, that's coming up soon! Donate! And there's still the FUNdraiser over on my blog! All will help, and help IS needed!

[Lana G.]

Bless your heart for having to endure another loss, Chrystal. I know it never gets any easier. You and yours will be in my thoughts today, as will little miss Twinkles.

[Pam and the Caliifurrrrrnia5]

Bless Twinkle's little soul. She was such a cute little scruffy pup. I never realized how tiny she was until I saw the picture of her with DiMarno. (((HUGS)))

[Bellen]

My condolences to you and your family. It sounds as if Twinkle led a good life and had the leaving of it that all animals should have: quietly, peacefully, painlessly, and surrounded by love and affection. You are a very lucky family to have known her.

[Old Kitty]

We are so so sorry to read about angel Twinkle. What a beautiful little face and what a ray of sunshine. We love that pic of her asleep in mid climb. What a sweetie. Please take care
x

[Kat & the Teenage Mutant Ninja Kitty Horde]

Oh sweet Chrystal. The end of an era is hard. May the many memories of love outweigh the grief of loss. ::hugs::

Purrs & Prayers
Kat, Corwyn, Jennifer & Kayla
Zaphoid, StarWalker, Knives, Audrey, Thomas & Rose

[Goldie Goodwin]

I am so happy Twinkle has a wonderful life with you. And doubly glad she had a whole crew waiting for her. I am sorry for your loss. May your memories of her comfort you in the days ahead

[HELENA]

Oh, my heart goes out to you.

My cat, Scooter, is in his last days too. He is the last of his clan- I had housed his Mamma and the rest of the litter in 1993.....
so I know the 'end of the chapter feeling'...
again, we too thought that Scooter would be the first to leave us, as he was diagnosed with feline aids in 2005.... yet at 19 1/2 he is soldiering on.

It's hard to get him eating sometimes now, and he has a sinus infection that doesn't seem to want to let go...

so, I am already half grieving. I know I am going to face it soon, and soon I will be where you are now...

so I am sending lots of hugs and healing vibes to you, and hope that the time when you can remember your dear friend without tears, just smiles, comes to you soon...

it is so hard when they go. I tell myself it is the price we pay for so, so much unconditional love we received from them.

Love, tea and cake.
Helena

[Connie]

I am so very sorry to hear of Twinkle's passing. My thoughts are with you and your family